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  • Writer's pictureElliot Mulley-Goodbarne

The Great British Balls Up

Updated: Apr 10, 2020


A few maybe waiting for this kind of post. I haven’t in a while because balancing being a full time lazy bastard with having a full time job doesn’t particularly bode well for extra curricular activities.

But as I type this, expecting a shite night sleep due to the NBA Finals match up in the early hours (Go Warriors!) I’m filled with nothing but dread and anger at the state that I see my country in in the midst of surely the most important negotiations this country has ever seen, certainly in recent history.

Why are you feeling this way? I hear you cry; but I expect a lot feel the same way.

Well I’ll come clean and say I voted Conservative in this election. Anyone who knows me knows that’s no secret. Mainly because the main issue for me was Brexit and who was going to come back from Europe with a ‘Good deal’ a ‘Soft’ Brexit, whatever the fuck that means.

Naturally, therefore, I chose the party that kept their cards close to their chest. Let the public speculate instead of nailing colours to the mask, promising the earth and coming back with a pebble.

So why am I angry? I’m angry at the Torys. I’m angry at the way Theresa swanned in and thought she could take the country by a landslide and obliterate the opposition. I’m angry at the attitude of the Etonian one per cent who say whatever it takes to keep their gluttonous mugs on our screens for another five years without meaning a single syllable.

And yet I still refused to vote for an opposition.

I think that a government is only as strong as it’s opposition and, despite how much of a landslide he won the leadership battle by, Corbyn still faced a vote of no confidence in his own party from a lot of his own MPs less than a year ago.

I’m also angry at how Labour played it. Playing on the idealistic world we should live in, instead of the realistic one we do live in. Borrowing money to pump into the vacuum that is the National Health Service when what it’s really crying out for is a reorganisation and a clear out of all the wasted cash that can be better used elsewhere. For example, mental health.

On Brexit, setting out that they will get free access to the trade agreement when that A. puts him on his knees when it comes to negotiating a deal and B. directly flies against the wealth of possibility that is out there to trade with, one of the reasons why I voted to leave the EU.

And while the two ‘main’ parties squabble about terrorist sympathisers and TV appearances, the rest of the parties are toying with the idea of a second referendum and before you know it we have nationalists at the table.

My dread comes for the state of the country, of our towns and villages that are barely surviving as it is. At the end of the day a country is only as strong as it’s economy and economies love stability (no pun intended).

I now wake up in a country where negotiations with a huge economic powerhouse are days away and we’re expecting another election before there’s a nip in the air. Where our biggest hope is a man who denies that global warming is happening despite it being a huge contributor with a fall back plan of being the next Monaco but with more rain.

Amongst the hyperbole and rhetoric, the personal attack and the ridiculous promises instead of making a case for yourself, British politics is now a farce. Scenes like Farage and Geldoff defaming each other on a British landmark deserve to be on the screens of Saturday night slapstick comedy shows and not the 10 o’clock news.

Shadow home secretaries having not one, not two but THREE blunders on live television and radio should be handled by Malcolm Tucker instead of whatever poor sod that had to endure Dianne Abbott throwing both their careers down the drain.

I’m now in a position to advocate that we stay int he EU because the country that I knew on June 6 2016 is not the one I know now. No matter what you said about them, Cameron’s conservatives were a whole lot better than May’s minority.

Now we have a PM who fears for her job, going into important negotiations even though by 2018 we could have had yet ANOTHER election and a yet another cabinet in office. Imagine that, another trip to the polls, the forth in three years. Strong and stable my arse!

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