A month in... I think

I’ve lost count how long it’s been since I got the video call saying I’m being furloughed. Keeping track of days is something that I’m currently struggling with so knowing how long in terms of weeks is impossible.

It could well be a month, I think it’s a month, feels like a year.

Anyone who knows me will know that I’ve been complaining about work load and needing a break for the best part of a year. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job and what I’m able to do on a daily basis, but we all have days when we are feeling over whelmed, I usually just have a wobble and get on with it.

But this feels different, I feel useless. I know structure is important but I’ve slipped into a routine of going to bed in the early hours and barely getting up in time for lunch. I have nothing to get up for now, no reason to get to bed early and the most I’ve achieved this week is unlocking a 97 OVR rated Todd Gurley II on Madden Ultimate team. Whether you know what I’m talking about or not I think we can agree that it’s not something I’ll be proud of in two years’ time.

I’ve also tried Football Manager, got sacked, I don’t want to talk about it.

I suppose I’m just frustrated. There’s so much I wanted to achieve by now but I can feel my career stagnating and that frustration turns into anger at my employers and anyone who has a job.

For the record I understand why this has happened to me. I’m not essential and I mean that, I’m not. I’m no editor, there are people higher than me in the food chain. But a recognition doesn’t mean I’m happy about it.

What’s worse is the incessant narcissism at the moment including my own for that matter. People are losing their lives and their loved ones. All I can think about is myself and how I’m doing. Even writing this I’ve noticed how many times I’m starting sentences with ‘I’. Apologies.

The need to be liked and admired is an evolutionary one but how it comes across is something we can control. Scrolling through social media I see a lot of ‘this is what we are doing’ posts and ‘we’re checking in on our employees’ attention seeking and it’s infuriating.

Whether it’s genuine or not is debatable, I may be a cynic, but it all looks like a PR exercise to me. Something to tell the shareholders or boast about at the next big expo when this hell is over.

What gauges one person’s interest is different to another’s I suppose. Some might want to know about new revenue streams and how your employer is raking in added cash as a result of a worldwide epidemic. Whilst I’m not contributing I’d rather they kept it to themselves.

As I say this is just another narcissistic piece, attention seeking if you will or maybe even a release.

I do hope you’re well though, stay safe.